


Truth Bombs

by orphan_account



Series: Behind the Scenes [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Comfort, Financial Issues, Fluff, M/M, Sad Phil, Truth Bombs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 00:04:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12493908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan just wants his Kanye yeezy sweater, but really, why did Phil have to get so upset about him ordering one? Yeah it's expensive, so what? Everything that's nice in life is. Their careers were going well and they had money to spare anyway and the future looked good, right? Some Truth Bombs may just make Dan reconsider.





	Truth Bombs

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this short little thing (not a drunk fic I swear. It's not after six and I ain't a farmer and it's Wednesday, Lemon)  
> Based on the gaming vid 'Truth Bombs' where Phil tells a little heartbreaking story... Also sorry for shit summary lol

                Dan was positioned, as usual, on the couch in the sitting room browsing on his laptop. He did like shopping as a distraction from life and perhaps to get that good old dopamine going when he’d buy those £1500 sweaters. Once upon a time in an age long ago, it would require actually going outside and braving the crowds on Oxford Street or pushing past endlessly crowded shop fronts to get to the door. He liked online shopping much more, the ability to just _click_ and buy whenever he wanted and have it magically appear in the flat within a few days.

                As of late, Phil had become particularly worried about money and perhaps Dan’s guilty pleasure needed to be restrained. Ad revenues were down, fluctuating motivation to produce videos made it uncertain as to when the next paycheque was going to come. Moving to a new flat had brought some crippling new expenses as well, all of which tore Dan’s friend into stress and anxiety quite frequently. Dan was often on the receiving end of Phil’s anxious breakdowns, and it was beginning to worry him how common they’d become. He didn’t want his friend to be unhappy – it was Dan’s thing to overthink everything. Dan was not worried about money, clearly, so it confused him as to why Phil suddenly was.

                For all Dan knew, something else could be going on. Getting to the bottom of it would definitely require Phil to be more open about his feelings. Being cut off from his friend was a cold existence, not somewhere he wanted to be in their friendship. The emotional understanding and bond between them was like a river of water, except someone had decided to build a dam across it to make it barely a trickle. Dan felt like he was shriveling up and dying from thirst because of it.

                Dan let out a defeated _sigh_ as he closed his laptop, putting it on a coffee table. He didn’t want to enrage his flat mate by spending unnecessarily, especially as their finances had been linked for some time and he was effectively spending not only his own money but Phil’s as well.

                “Dan!” Phil yelled out from one of the hallways and making Dan jump from his slouching position to sit more upright, “where are you?”

                “I’m just on the couch,” Dan responded with a hint of frustration. He didn’t want to know what he’d be in trouble for this time, but at least he’d already shut off his laptop and wouldn’t be caught shopping and spending exorbitant amounts of their money. Phil’s footsteps reverberated on the wooden floors, perhaps showing Dan the worst part of this flat. It struck a dark fear into Dan because he knew Phil was approaching, and he knew from his heavy footsteps that he wasn’t happy.

                “A package arrived,” Phil stated coldly as he flung a soft object wrapped in brown paper towards Dan. He leaned against the doorway of the room, crossing his arms as if to wait for Dan to open it.

                “Oh, thanks Phil.” Dan picked up his phone from the table to avoid Phil’s glare. He wasn’t moving. Dan rolled his eyes at the silence in the room.

                “You aren’t going to open it.” Phil said weakly, “I want to see what it is!” Phil’s false smile and fleeting excitement wasn’t enough to fool Dan, but he let himself be beat as he started unwrapping the package.

                A rich material popped out of the package, a light hazelnut colour to the fabric. Dan pulled it from the packaging to reveal an oversized sweater, smiling at his purchase and quickly erasing his facial expression when he saw the displeasure sprawled across Phil’s face.

                “And how much did that cost, Dan?”

                “Phil, it’s just a sweater,” Dan said sighing in frustration at Phil’s interrogation, “I can want nice things, you know?”

                “How. Much.”

                Dan bowed his head guiltily. He muttered, “1500 quid…” The silence was overbearing following the statement. It was just a sweater, why did Phil have to flush red with anger?

                “Dan,” Phil said filling his voice with venom, “this is the most expensive luxury you have _ever_ bought and you didn’t even say anything to me?” Phil’s voice filled the room as he boomed, making Dan wince and retreat into the folds of the couch. “Why would you do this?”

                “Because I’ve been looking at it for so long, I just wanted something nice,” Dan explained loudly, letting his face be painted with redness as Phil continued berating him. The older man’s face softened when he detected Dan’s pain, forcing his anger back. He knew where it came from, and he knew it’d confuse Dan who was likely unaware of how quickly their financial stability could be taken away.

                “Dan, things are not nearly as good for us as you think,”

                “What do you mean? Our channels are booming and it’s as good as it’s been in ages,” Dan explained, wondering why Phil was injecting so much drama into something that was only supposed to be a happy gift for himself, “stop making everything so dramatic Phil.” The older man felt a pang of sadness through his chest as he took a seat as far away from Dan as possible on the couch.

                “I’m sorry for yelling Dan,” Phil said, “the ad revenue isn’t giving as much as it used to and I’m running out of video ideas and I’m worried… I’m worried I’m losing interest in YouTube after so long.” Dan sharply took in a breath as he wondered what this could mean for their shared branding, their finances, everything. “I don’t know what I’ll do to help support us if I can’t find it in me to continue with my channel.”

                “Phil,” Dan softly spoke which he knew would calm them both down, “why didn’t you tell me about that? We always joke about motivation and all but this is different.”

                “Honestly, YouTube was actually never what I wanted as a career. A public life. Celebrity status. It just kinda happened for me. It wasn’t my first choice even when I was just vlogging, but look where we ended up,” Phil explained, breathing deeply as he lowered his head and whispered through a sad voice, “I have never told anyone what I’m about to tell you because it hurt so much at the time. Now that I’m wondering whether I have a future with YouTube, I think I need to.”

                Dan was becoming incredibly concerned for the twisting emotions inside his friend. The emotional bond between them had been restored; Dan could see Phil’s heart in his eyes and he knew exactly what he was feeling. Shame. Sadness. Anxiety. Utter terror.

                “Phil, just tell me, what is on your mind?” Dan asked sweetly, pushing his remaining anger down into the dark abyss of the back of his mind. It could stay there for a conversation later. Because he definitely wasn’t returning that sweater. Phil shifted uncomfortably as Dan moved a bit closer to him on the couch, taking his friend’s hand in his own.

                “Alright…” Phil began, some confidence rising in him as he looked into Dan’s eyes and found that sincere care. “You know how kids have their dreams of what they’ll be when they’re older – you probably know I wanted to be a weatherman for a while,” Phil explained. It was true, he did want to be a weatherman, although people rarely ever have the same dream job for their entire childhood.

                “Well presenting weather isn’t too different from presenting a liveshow, it’s not too late to-”

                “But Dan that’s just it, I don’t think I ever told you my first serious occupation idea. The one I actually pursued. I wanted to be a vet, I love animals now but I loved them even more then. I wanted to help all the animals and get a degree in Veterinary Science and work with them and make everyone proud of me. The pay didn’t bother me much, I genuinely wanted to help. I dreamed about using my qualifications to petition parliament to ban the ivory trade, things like that,” Phil mused, thinking back fondly to all the possibilities with a sad nostalgia. “I wanted to save animals and give families the lives of their beloved cats and dogs back to them. They’d assume there’d be nothing that could save their pets but I’d change that for them. I wanted to make people happy.” Dan smiled and cooed at how pure and innocent Phil’s intentions had been, and honestly was now wondering why he didn’t become a vet.

                “Phil, you’re so smart and not enough people appreciate how intelligent you are. I bet you could have gotten your degree and made a wonderful vet, you could always go back to uni now,”

                “Oh Dan…” Phil replied with a strangled laugh, “I think that ship has sailed.” Dan hated to see his friend’s dreams completely crushed.

                “But why is it too late?”

                “I remember when I went to work experience with a vet,” Phil recounted, confusing Dan as he wasn’t sure how this related to his question. “Dan, I fainted while a dog’s jaw was being cut open.”

                “What?”

                “I fainted.”

                “Yeah but Phil…”

                Phil sighed, feeling a wave of insecurity wash over him. He loved the animals that came through the clinic and that dog’s pitiful weeps as its jaw was being cut open were the most heartbreaking sounds he’d heard in his life up to that point. He cared too much, he wanted to help and this poor animal was beyond help. To help the dog, he had to hurt the dog.

                “And when I woke up, the vet said ‘you can _never_ be a vet’.” Dan could feel his own heart break at the tone of acceptance in Phil’s voice. It was neither happy nor sad, just the statement of a fact, “my dreams were crushed that day, Dan.”

                “Oh my God… Phil.” Dan closed the entire gap between them by moving towards Phil. “It’s okay if you don’t want to do YouTube anymore and it’s okay if you want to take a break to figure out what it is you do want in life if you can’t do what you wanted to originally,” Dan reassured.

                “But Dan don’t you understand? Where will I go, what will I do? I don’t want to sit around the flat all day while you’re the one supporting me if I can’t even be useful enough to pay by share of the rent… it’s not fair on you… we don’t even have enough money for me to stop YouTube,” Phil finished as he let his head fall into his hands and sobbed. Dan didn’t know the right words, he wasn’t equipped for a situation like this because he almost never saw Phil this upset. It was usually Dan crying into Phil’s shirt. Even the past few weeks weren’t this bad, clearly it had all boiled over this time. All Dan knew was that he needed to let Phil know that he would always have a choice, that Dan would fight to protect his happiness and it wouldn’t matter to him as long as Phil got to be happy in the end.

                Dan took man’s hand in his own, and placed it right on his heart, “Can you feel it, Phil?” Dan asked with a pleading look in his eyes.

                “Uhm… Dan?” Phil questioned cautiously, letting out a chuckle through his tear stained eyes as he started to feel Dan’s heartbeat and a hint of a smile creep onto his face. It was a bizarre but beautiful feeling. A consistent thrum deep inside his friend to ground him.

                “This is how worried I am for what will happen if you do decide to retire from YouTube,” Dan said, giving the other man a reassuring smile.

                “It’s hardly moving, are you sure you’re not dying? Or have you become some sort of cold blooded vampire?” Phil laughed sadly.

                “No silly,” Dan chuckled at his friend’s unique and precious mind before pulling him into a tight hug and wrapping his arms around the man, stroking his hair to calm him down. “It’s slow because I’m your best friend and I love you and I’m here for you.”

“I’m not worried about **where** you’ll go or **who** will look after you if you decide that quitting will make you happy,” Dan mumbled through his smile, “because the answer is **here** and **I will**.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so after I saw the Truth Bombs vid (like four days late but whatever I've been busy... okay shut up I know I haven't been busy okay I'm just lazy) Phil reveals his veterinary work experience story and I just felt really sad for him and maybe his life ambition was to become a vet (not to do YouTube as a career and not to become a celebrity who can't walk anywhere without being attacked by phangirls) and maybe that stupid vet just crushed his dreams and now he feels bad about it. Whatever the answer is, this fic writes that reality although tbh Phil is not nearly as sad and depressed about life as I write him in my fics so Phil I'm sorry for misrepresentation and cramming feelings that probs don't exist into your character but whatever in case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in. And I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.


End file.
